Honne vs Tatemae: Understanding Japanese Social Behavior

• The Japanese word 'tatemae' means your 'public face'.
• Tatemae is the behavior that people show in public.
• Tatemae can be an agreeable attitude that is used to avoid social confrontation or disagreements.
• Tatemae emphasizes politeness and the avoids direct confrontation.

REMEMBER! In Japan, maintaining social group harmony is more important than expressing personal feelings or opinions to the group.

• Indirect Communication: In Japan, direct expressions such as "No" are rarely used. Instead, Japanese people will choose to be politely vague in their response. For example, instead of "no", a Japanese response might be "maybe" or "if it is possible."
• Avoiding Conflict: Tatemae often involves stretching the truth or telling white lies. This prevents conflict and smooths social interactions.
• Social Harmony: It supports the Japanese values of cooperation and respect. This way, you can focus is on others' feelings rather than one’s own true sentiments.
  

• Perception in Japanese Culture: Some foreigners view the use of tatemae as two-faced. But, it is an essential part of showing respect within Japanese society.
• Stress and Relationships: Over-reliance on tatemae can lead to stress and fake relationships. It might prevent real emotional connections.
• Communication Issues: The fine line between honne and tatemae can lead to misunderstandings. It makes it difficult to recognize genuine intentions.

Honne and tatemae are important concepts to understand if you want to fit into Japanese society.

Miscommunication Risks: The line between honne and tatemae can lead to misunderstandings. It can be challenging to separate someone's real intentions from their public expressions.

• Recognize the Context: Understanding when to express honne and when to uphold tatemae is important. This cultural sensitivity helps prevent possible misunderstandings and supports smoother interactions.
• Building Relationships: Building a strong personal connection allows for a reduction in tatemae. Japanese people become more comfortable sharing their honne.
• Observe and Adapt: You should watch for non-verbal cues. Eye contact, facial expressions, and body language can show what people are thinking. Are they more inclined towards honne or sticking to tatemae.
  

I meet a Japanese businessman who told me a story about moving to Kyoto from Hiroshima and not understanding the Kyoto-level of tatemae:

"The first day of my new job, the company president invited me to dinner. I was very pleased about this invitation, so I accepted. He told me this weekend was a good time. So, I went to his home and had dinner with him and his wife. It was an enjoyable evening. The next week at work, all my co-workers were talking about how rude I was to accept the invitation from our boss. You see, Kyoto people rarely say what they mean."

In Kyoto, extending an invitation to someone is not always a real offer. It is a form of tatemae. It demonstrates the intention politeness. To accept such an offer can be seen as rude because you are causing that person inconvenience or trouble. In such as case, it is best to politely refuse the offer.

• Understanding Office Dynamics: Making real connections with coworkers is crucial. It helps foreigners separate superficial pleasantries (tatemae) and genuine sentiments (honne). This is important in professional Japanese settings [8].
• Navigating Business Communications: Understanding honne-tatemae can affect one’s success within a company. Learning to read between the lines is a vital personal skill.
  

I will finish this article with a video. Here, Japanese people explain their own ideas and explanation of tatemae and honne. Enjoy!

Understanding honne (true feelings) and tatemae (public face) goes beyond just knowing their definitions. These concepts influence how Japanese people communicate, especially in speech.

If you want to understand these subtle nuances in real-life conversations, learning Japanese with the right resources is essential. Language apps like Mondly and Rocket Languages offer structured lessons on:

✅ Politeness Levels – How Japanese speech changes based on social hierarchy.
✅ Cultural Expressions – Common phrases that reflect honne and tatemae.
✅ Real-Life Conversations – Dialogues with native speakers to improve comprehension.

By improving your Japanese skills, you’ll gain a deeper appreciation of social etiquette and learn how to read between the lines—a crucial skill for navigating Japan!

In Japan, gift-giving (贈り物, okurimono) is an important social practice. While people may verbally downplay the significance of a gift (tatemae), their true feelings (honne) are expressed through the effort and thoughtfulness put into the gift itself. This is especially true during:

🎁 Omiyage (お土産) – Small souvenirs brought back from trips to share with friends and colleagues.
🎁 Seasonal Gifts (お歳暮 & お中元) – Presents given during mid-year and year-end to express gratitude.
🎁 Thank-You Gifts (お礼の品) – Thoughtful items given in appreciation.

Want to experience Japanese gift culture firsthand? Try Tokyo Treats, a subscription box filled with authentic Japanese sweets and snacks. Whether you’re exploring new flavors yourself or sharing with friends, it’s a fun way to understand how Japanese people express emotions through gifts rather than words.