Honne vs Tatemae: Japanese Concept of Self

When I first moved to Japan as an adult, I struggled to make meaningful friendships. I would invite people out, only to have them cancel later and realizing they had no intention of meeting up. In fact, many foreigners who live in Japan have a hard time making Japanese social connections.

It all comes down to the Japanese concept of ‘self’ (the ‘true self’ – honne 本音- vs the ‘public face’ – tatemae 建前). This article will break down these ideas and explain how they impact everyday life in Japan.

• Harmony and balance: Japanese Wa refers to the harmony and balance within a group or society.
• Social well-being: It is about the importance of group well-being and social connections.
• Importance of the group: Japanese wa chooses the needs of the group over their own.
• Shaping behavior: Wa plays a important role in shaping Japanese personality and behavior.
  

Honne and tatemae are concepts that manage the balance between personal honesty and public mask [1][2][3][4]. These terms represent one's true self (honne) and the version of one’s self that society expects (tatemae) [2][3][4].

Understanding the difference between honne and tatemae makes your life in Japan easier. Because it gives you a deeper understanding of Japanese culture. Also, it will help improve your social life in Japan. For example, if you want to make Japanese friends or get along better with your Japanese co-workers [3].

Honne represents a person's true feelings, thoughts, and desires. Honne is only meant for your inner circle. Honne is private because openly expressing yourself might cause social friction [3][5].

The relationship between honne and social duties (giri) often features in Japanese drama. This is because honne explains tension between personal desires and societal expectations [3].

Two social issues in Japan stress the challenges that many people feel about honne vs social duties.

• Hikikomori: These are people who withdraw from society and rarely leave their homes. This is often caused by individuals who feel great pressure to adhere to social norms. As a reaction, these people withdraw from society and choose not to participate.
• Parasite singles: These are adults who stay with their parents and don't marry or move out [3]. These people feel that it is safer and more comfortable at home. These parasite singles are seen as staying at home to avoid social discomfort.

• Business Relationships: Honne is never shown in Japanese business relationships. Most people will never show their true self to Japanese coworkers. [2][1].
• Deepened Connections: True friendship grows stronger when people share their honne. This is because it shows their real thoughts and feelings [9].
• Everyday life: This understanding of honne helps you better in everyday life in Japan. It makes it easier to value the balance between honesty and traditional culture.

In 1977, the American psychologist, Philip Zimbardo, reported on his study on shyness and concluded that up to 90% of Japanese people described themselves as shy. This was the highest reported levels of shyness recorded in the study. In my experience of Japanese society, these self reported feelings of shyness are a way to avoid social confrontation or disagreement with others. This is the perfect example of the Japanese concept of 'tatemae'.

In Japanese society, tatemae refers to your public face. It is the behavior that people show in public. Japan has strong societal expectations and norms, which shapes a person's tatemae [3].

The idea of tatemae has deep roots in the cultural fabric of Japan. It emphasizes politeness and the avoids direct confrontation. This is because Japan believes that tatemae maintains social harmony [1][8]. In Japanese culture, social group harmony is more important than personal feelings [10].

• Indirect Communication: In Japan, direct expressions such as "No" are rarely used. Instead, ambiguity and politeness are crucial, with "Yes" not always meaning agreement [6].
• Avoiding Conflict: Tatemae often involves stretching the truth or telling white lies. This prevents conflict smooths social interactions [6][8].
• Social Harmony: It supports the Japanese values of cooperation and respect. This way, you can focus is on others' feelings rather than one’s own true sentiments [5].
  

• Perception in Japanese Culture: Some foreigners view the use of tatemae as two-faced. But, it is an essential part of showing respect within Japanese society [7].
• Stress and Relationships: Over-reliance on tatemae can lead to stress and fake relationships. It might prevent real emotional connections [7].
• Communication Issues: The fine line between honne and tatemae can lead to misunderstandings. It makes it difficult to recognize genuine intentions [5].
  
  
  

Honne and tatemae is key for anyone looking to fit into Japanese society. This knowledge brings cultural awareness and practical engagement in social dynamics.

Miscommunication Risks: The line between honne and tatemae can lead to misunderstandings. It can be challenging to separate someone's real intentions from their public expressions [5].

• Recognize the Context: Understanding when to express honne and when to uphold tatemae is important. This cultural sensitivity helps prevent possible misunderstandings and supports smoother interactions [7].
• Building Relationships: Building a strong personal connection allows for a reduction in tatemae. Japanese people become more comfortable sharing their honne [6][10].
• Observe and Adapt: You should watch for non-verbal cues. Eye contact, facial expressions, and body language can show what people are thinking. Are they more inclined towards honne or sticking to tatemae [10].

I meet a Japanese businessman who told me a story about moving to Kyoto from Hiroshima and not understanding the Kyoto-level of tatemae:

"The first day I joined the company, the company president say to me, "Please come to my house for dinner." I was very happy about this invitation, so I accepted. He told me this weekend was a good time. So, I went to his home and had dinner with him and his wife. It was an enjoyable evening. The next week at work, all my co-workers were talking about how rude I was to accept the invitation from our boss. You see, Kyoto people rarely say what they mean."

In Kyoto, extending an invitation to someone is not always a real offer. It is a form of tatemae that demonstrates the intention politeness. To accept such an offer can be seen as rude because you are causing that person inconvenience or trouble. In such as case, it is best to politely refuse the offer.

• Understanding Office Dynamics: Making real connections with coworkers is crucial. It helps foreigners separate superficial pleasantries (tatemae) and genuine sentiments (honne). This is important in professional Japanese settings [8].
• Navigating Business Communications: Understanding honne-tatemae can affect one’s success within a company. Learning to read between the lines is a vital personal skill [8].

I will finish this article with a video. Here, Japanese people explain their own ideas and explanation of tatemae and honne. Enjoy!